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A Heaping Pile of "Unfinished"

An abbreviated list of unfinished projects:

  • Trim windows, and doors

  • Finish floor at the front of the bus

  • Sand door and seal with Rubio Monocoat

  • Add a handle, or latch, to the door

  • Calk, screen, and add vent hood to the air conditioners vent

  • Fill in the accidental holes (behind the stove, behind the couch, next to the inverter...)

  • Replace slate stone around the wood stove

  • Add drawer under the wood stove

  • Add covers to (several) outlets.

  • Install the curtain rods and curtains

  • Fill around drainage hole with great stuff foam

...

I read somewhere that there is danger in seeking finished perfection in all that you do. And yet, despite the cautionary tape, "Perfection seeking" is a dominant characteristic of ours, especially when it comes to the bus. Jonathan and I are heavily influenced by the satisfaction that proceeds crossing something off our to-do list, so much so that when tasks are left incomplete, or imperfect, for too long, we become irritable. At the same time, we struggle to sit still long enough to get anything done. We are easily sidetracked with other projects and idea, things that could be improved, and added, and tested, and and and...


Our joint ambition is both motivating and inhibiting. In one moment, Jonathan and I could be in unison, unapologetically broadcasting "Ooo, something new! We can come back to this, let's do that instead!" And then in the next, we could be spitting fire at one another, due to our indecision and apathy - this is usually subsequent with our "ooo-ing and ahh-ing".

Rear windows that have been covered with plastic and aluminum, rather than the curtains I made.


Happy to have AC, not happy that the AC unit is lacking a water deflector, calking, trim... In other words, it is generally unfinished.


For more context into my displeasure, the other day we woke up to a puddle of water at the foot of the bed. It was late and we were tired. So we threw a towel on the water spot and called it a night. It has been a week and there is no end in sight - GAHH!


Generally, I appreciate this edgy aspect of our relationship, it keeps us away from boredom and instead in a state of dreaming up the next big thing. However, this "dreaminess" usually ends with us straddling the line of conflict and harmony. We often fight about how to carry out projects. We disagree over funds, necessity, opportunity cost, functionality - the list goes on!

There are many Seams that could really use trim.


Anyway, as of recent, I have given myself permission to not seek completion, or perfection, when it comes to our infinite list. I have convinced myself that sometimes an "unfinished" project is simply good enough - me giving up control, AHH scary territory but I will be okay! These overwhelming thoughts about perfection, completion, and control hit me hard last week, as we were grieving over the mound of "to do's", and cursing our bleary timeline. I thought to myself, 'maybe we need to be better at simply enjoying the messy journey...rolling with the punches...being aimless.' Us letting go frees up space and time to think about and DO other things - because we definitely need more stuff to accomplish, HA!


We have done so much. And yet, there is still so much to do - C'est la vie. I guess this is what it means to give yourself some grace.


~HNM


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