While the bus may have brought you to our blog, it is only one facet of our lives. We prefer to share our overarching feelings and experiences. So, here is a quick blog post from Hannah's perspective, focusing on her reflections at the start of year.
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From our first hike of the year
It’s that time again...
Where houses shed the decorations from their usually barren rooftops. Where those who still indulge in paper planners (including myself) begin scribbling down "to do's" that will guide them through the next twelve months. And, as a collective, where we reflect on happenings from the last twelve.
As Jonathan and I navigated this last year, a lesson came into focus for me...
i. Be Here Now
Throughout 2023, J and I agonized over our ROUGH outline of a three year plan. Frustrated and impatient, I would share with Jonathan how tired I was of waiting for the next phase in our shared journey to being. "I am ready to start living" I'd share every few months, as if on queue. For a long while, I had been ensnared by the idea of my dreamt future, convinced that happiness and fulfillment would meet me there.
After months of patient listening, J finally said, "Hannah, you are living! Of course you're discontent if all you can think about is the future. The problem is that you're fixated on where you want to be. This is life, this is living, right now."
His words stung. Pride filled my chest as I held back tears. I felt myself bracing for an emotional explosion. Part of me wanted to refute his perspective, tell him that he was wrong and that he didn't understand my unrest. But he wasn't wrong. Contrary to what I was feeling, he was able to recognize why my anxiety was blooming so fiercely. Factors such as my frenzied pursuit towards Nursing school, dissatisfaction with my current job, financial stress, and that we hadn't been doing the things that filled our proverbial cups. With empathy, he considered all this while reflecting on my situation.
J's 'live in the moment', 'tomorrow isn't promised' sentiments weren't meant to cast a shadow of darkness or to tell me that I can't be hopeful about our plans. Rather, his words were to serve as a reminder that life unfolds in the present. Now is all we have, and all we ever will have. How freeing and simultaneously frightening it is to surrender to that notion. Every instant offers an opportunity; if I choose to wait for an alternative moment, satisfaction with continue to elude me.
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Carpe diem is my focused affirmation, a reminder that the only assured moment is the present one.
~HNM